This Week in Janice

Before she got old, my mom was really into music. She loved Jimi Hendrix and Pearl Jam and loud music by drug addicts. When I was six, I told her I liked the Beatles so she bought me "Revolver." Whe" I was 11, she came home with Liz Phair and They Might Be Giants CDs because she'd read an article about how they were the "it" bands played on college radio stations. One could argue that it's inappropriate to give a 6th grader an album that contains a song called "Fuck and Run," but then one clearly doesn't know my mother.

 

Sunday morning I wake up to this email:

 

Am off to buy myself music at "Barnes is Noble"--wish me luck. Advice would be appreciated. (Suddenly hooked on my Stereo equipment!!!) I like the No Doubt CD I Have. Am surprisingly Surprised. Take care, Love, MOM
 
So I call my mother and this is the conversation we have:

Me: You want recommendations?
Mom: You're too late! I already bought music.
Me: What did you get?
Mom: Nellie Fru-tardo? Fru-taydo?
Me: Furtado.
Mom: I also got Pink's latest album. I like Pink.
Me: Mom, Pink sucks.
Mom: I LIKE PINK! And I needed new music! I'm sick of all of my music and the Van Morrison albums your father left behind are awful.
Me: So you bought Nelly Furtado and Pink?
Mom: And I finally found that Christina Aguilera album I wanted. And I got the Ting Tings because you like them.
Me: The Ting Tings?
Mom: Weren't you listening to them when you visited?
Me: …no….
Mom: Yes you were.
Me: No I wasn't. I barely know who they are.
Mom: Well who was the girl group you were listening too?
Me: Girl group?
Mom: The loud modern dance stuff?
Me: M.I.A.?
Mom: Is that a group?
Me: It's a person
Mom: Maybe it was her, then. I bought the Ting Tings by accident. Will I like them?
Me: I have no idea, you just bought a bunch of Top 40 stuff and you didn't even get the good stuff. You should have gotten Beyonce or Kanye West.
Mom: Are they upbeat? I want upbeat music, I'm tired of this "I'm sad, I'm an artist" stuff.
Me: What is going on? Where is this coming from? Who are you?
Mom: I'm almost 60 years old, I want stuff that's fun.
Me: Well, Christina Aguilera is definitely fun.
Mom: I also an album with lead singer of Pink Floyd performing with a Polish symphony.
Me: ….What?
Mom: I like Poland.

Within the same phone conversation, this also happened:

Mom: I tried to send you an article I found interesting, but it wouldn't let me email it. It only wanted me to post it to Facebook or to "Digg" it. Is email not used anymore? Are people just using Facebook? Is email going away?
Me: No, you were probably looking at the wrong part of the website. The email link was probably somewhere else.
Mom: I clicked on "Digg" cause I did dig it. I dug it, that's why I wanted to share it.
Me: That's not what that means. (Launches into an explanation of Dig.com which she is clearly not understanding)
Mom: So how do I email an article?
Me: You can just copy and paste the link.
Mom: What is the link?
Me: The website address?
Mom: Where do I find that?
Me: At the top of the page…
Mom: But I don't want to send you the entire website, just the one article
Me: The website address changes when you click on a separate article
Mom: It does? I never noticed that!
Me: WHAT?
Mom: So I can just send you the, what's it called?
Me: link?
Mom: And you'll be able to see the article?
Me: …oh my god. how do you even manage to turn on a computer?
Mom: Very slowly.

Comments

[Ula]

That's 'postcards from yo momma' material. And I've never heard of the Ting Tings. Is your mom hipper than me?

[Marc]

I can't decide what is my favorite about this. That she refers to B&N as Barnes IS Noble, or that she clicked on a digg link because she, well, dug it.

[Claire]

Barnes Is Noble!!