Things I have learned after attending a roller derby disco night that combines the art of drinking with the art of roller skating to create one glorious, knee high sock-themed extravaganza:
You’re not falling down cause you’re drunk, you’re falling down cause you suck
Bee Gees songs are good for something.
The level of disappointment you feel upon learning that they’re renting normal roller skates and not the kind of skates that strap over shoes is roughly akin to the time you ran down the stairs on Christmas morning only to find that Santa had not brought you a live unicorn.
When you meet someone who is wearing an American Gladiators costume, you will instantly want to become her friend.
Before you ask why someone isn’t wearing skates, you should check their feet to make sure that they’re not just really, really short.
After 3 Jell-O shots you will forget that you are wearing a mini-skirt and you will begin to sit and stand in ways that require more clothing.
There is always one guy who is really good at skating.
That guy is a douche.
To hipsters, “diversity” equals one Asian friend.
If you are wearing roller skates and you find that you have to pee, you have to ask yourself, is it really worth it?
It’s possible to run into co-workers.
Maybe Brooklyn doesn’t suck after all.
Comments